Positive criticism

Positive criticism is possible. Or is it?

Let me get down to the basics. What is most important to me in whatever I do?

1. To represent and serve Christ.

Okay, well, since representing Christ is my motivating factor in all that I do (or it should be), then every other venue I work in should fall after this first goal. Right? Representing Christ means to act out of love for the purpose of showing the Lord and sharing the Good News.

I still want to critique some things, though, like how tuition is going up $2500 next year, and how the RAs don't get paid enough, etc. How do I critique in a loving way that represents Christ and in an effective way that allows for change? Should we as Christians (who are to submit to authority) even protest against the authorities above us? If we do, what should it look like? I do not want to gossip or complain. I want to develop solutions to problems, to bring freedom to the oppressed. There are greater problems than raised tuition costs, but if I can't learn how to effectively develop solutions AS I REPRESENT CHRIST in small things (and still be loving even if I don't get "my way"), how will I learn how to do so in the "real world," or on the mission field? Yes, by the mercy of God, that's for sure. But also by patience and humbleness.

I cannot forget that it is NOT my solution that is the best. It's not about me, that's for sure. I cannot forget that representing Christ is most important. Even if I get ripped off. Now, I'm not advocating passivity, I'm advocating that our most important calling is to represent Christ and what He stands for (even if it means "getting ripped off"). It's really not about me. I will stand for what He stands for: justice, mercy, righteousness, freedom.

A silent man

I saw a homeless man last night at St. Mark's Cathedral. I saw him because after the choir sang and as people were leaving, he came over to where some people were still sitting and silently offered an old grey baseball cap toward them. He offered his baseball cap to me without uttering a single word. I looked into his eyes and smiled, but I did not offer him any money. I did not offer him anything. My smile did not count. My thoughts that I wanted him to have food and clothes did not count. My thought that I wanted him to know Jesus did not count.

He said not a single word as he retracted his old hat and proceeded to walk through the rest of the Cathedral, silently pleading for money. I saw one lady put something in it--probably a dollar or two. Now, I don't know if this man would have used the money to buy food or to buy booze or drugs. Well over half of the people on the streets have some type of mental problem. He could have been anybody, any of these things. I didn't know what to offer, if I was supposed to offer anything.

What struck me the most was his silence. I wondered if he was mute, or if he simply did not enjoy talking. I don't know. But I thought, I wonder if he is silent because he is ashamed of the fact that he is begging. There I had sat during the whole service, wide-eyed, thinking of many things but definitely not thinking about the homeless. And then a silent man walked in and offered his hat. And I offered nothing.

A time of transforming

Last night, I got ready for bed, pulled back the covers, read my Bible, and talked to the Lord. Things were "going well," but not really. I hate the feeling I get when I am just going through the motions and my heart is unaffected--essentially, when I'm not really placing myself before God in true worship and repentance. So I started reading in Isaiah, beginning in chapter 30. I read a lot of "Woe to such and such nation" and "Therefore, the Holy One of Israel says," and whatnot, and I began to realize just how easily I too fall from the Holy One, how quickly I trust in other gods and in other men. And I began truly to repent. Often I am poor in joy because I am not content in God.

As I thought and talked to Him, and continued reading on, I came upon a couple of verses that seriously caused me to stop. I re-read them at least 5 times. "How gracious he will be when you cry for help. As soon as he hears, he will answer you" (30.19).

But it didn't stop there. I continued reading and came to the verse that will stick with me always. I will remember it because I will turn to the right and left at times. It says, "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way; walk in it'" (30.21).

I can trust that gentle, sure, quiet voice. And I trust this promise: "This is the way. Walk in it." All I know is that God is faithful and gracious.

What we want

"Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?" Proverbs 20.6

Don't be like St. John Rivers

He is a person, a Christian in Jane Eyre, who imposes his beliefs on others in a way that leaves no room for enjoyment. His life as a Christian looks like this: "He was [a] hard and cold [man]. The humanities and amenities of life had no attraction for him--its peaceful enjoyments no charm. Literally, he lived only to aspire--after what was good and great, certainly: but still he would never rest; nor approve of others resting around him."

This fictional character, St. John Rivers, I feel a deep pity toward. Not anger, not bitterness, not even coldness. I pity him because, while he knows and believes the Good News of Christ, he holds no joy in this world. He is not able to marry a woman because he cannot love her. Duty is his sole purpose and aspiration, which, to his credit, he is passionate about. But he misses out. He denies all things that his flesh desires, and I don't mean flesh in the sense of sinful flesh, I mean flesh in the sense of physical desires/needs/limits. His happiness comes only as a result of what he does. I pity him because he does not understand many things, but above all, he does not understand what the Gospel is about: the love of God who sends his Son to die and redeem his people. His misses the joys of life, a life of freedom we have been given. Why will people want to become Christian if there is no life, no joy, no love--nothing better to offer than what this world has to offer?

Spinning clearly

I spin around and can hardly see. A little girl with hair twirling, singing a made-up song, rejoicing in the feel of the air on her skin. Lord, you are faithful.

Life is made up of a bunch of choices. It's as simple as that. To some extent, the Lord allows us to lead our own lives.

We have to know, to believe, what's worth fighting for. "A man's steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand his own way?" (Proverbs 20.24).

I want this blog to be another reminder and written testimony to the word that I speak: I trust the Lord with my life for the present and for the future. My life is His, thus, this JET interview that I have tomorrow, I trust fully into his hands; I remember God my Savior, my Rock and fortress (Is. 17.10).

There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the LORD.

"Home is where your passion is"

What is home to you? Is "home where your passion is"?

To me, for this time on earth, home is where my heart feels safe--home is in those people with whom my heart rejoices, with whom I am able to be me, and with whom I am able to fight (in a spiritual sense) and for whom I can fight. Home is a place of unconditional love. Home is where I feel most alive--when I am serving the Lord and loving people as I was created to do. For all of you who I actually know and who read this blog, my heart is at home with you. Of course my true home is not of this world, but of the Lord; again, that is why you are my home--we are of the same family and we have the same Savior. Our home is together and with Him. Though we may never be at rest until we die, my heart rests in my home.

Lunch with daddy

Teriyaki Madness is delicious, but the company I enjoyed today was immeasurably better! I forget how much a good dad is SUCH a blessing. I am thankful beyond words for my dad. He is wise. He is goofy. He is big and strong. He is smart and teaches me stuff that I don't know. I love my dad.

I wish that everybody in the world, all the old and the young, had the opportunity to enjoy the love of a good father. If you haven't, I am sorry because a good dad is a good thing. At the same time, other males have the power to be good men in a woman's life too. Her grandpa, her uncle, her pastor, her brother, her friend, her husband... Speaking as a woman, I know the powerful influence that a man's presence or lackthereof can have on a woman. Of course, it is not all-encompassing. But know this, a man who loves and respects women brings goodness back on himself. Not only that, but he lifts up that friend, daughter, wife, mother, etc. who, to some degree, needs him. A woman can know who she is without men (we have the Lord for that), but male and female were created for companionship. I think that a good man (and I have to say a Godly one too), whoever he is to her, brings out the best in a woman. And vice versa. My dad makes me feel cherished.

What's past is passed.

"Past," as defined by my Webster's Pocket Dictionary, means: "former or prior, gone by; a former time or event."

"Passed" is the past tense form of the verb pass, which means: "to move by or beyond; to transfer."

So, Dick Cheney accidentally shot his friend. It is in the past, and he and his friend, time-wise, are beyond the actual event of the shooting. However, obviously, the event has had a lasting impact on both of the men; neither will ever be the same again. But they also are not defined by the past alone, are they? It has made and will help make them who they are today, but it does not mean that today or tomorrow are dictated by what has been only. It has passed. Granted, some of the affects may last a lifetime.

Are we new creatures or are we not? "You were taught [...] to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness" (Eph. 4.23). This is not meant to be a "devotional." It is the truth. Or am I wrong? I want to know the truth no matter what else anybody says. Wow, but how do you reconcile the past without dwelling on it? Can a person do it on her own? I don't mean this blog to be anything personal, but I have just been thinking about this concept. How do I reconcile the fact that I have believed a lie about myself for most of my life without letting it dominate me and crush me today? Maybe this is what the Bible talks about in renewing our minds daily. I am a new creation. I am whole. I am the Lord's. I am righteous by the covering of the Lord. My mind is Christ's. Wow, I just have to believe these things.

Love, sex, and...a stony heart?

Hehe. I got your attention, didn't I? I don't want this to be too boring of a blog.

Love. Love takes trust, compassion, mercy, and forgiveness. It takes time and dedication. Nobody is perfect, including me (duh, but I always seem to forget that one, which makes me really mad).

Sex. Probably amazing (don't know yet). But worth nothing outside of marriage. God is our purity.

Stony heart? Maybe true. But I like to think of it as more of a volcano...it seems like just a bunch of black stones, but inside lurks a mass of lava ready to erupt one day. Treacherous ground.

Oh, how I want to glorify the Lord!

Romantic V-day

Yes and yes and yes. Happy Valentine's Day! I sit here in the cold Writing Center pondering how much more romantic it could be than to sit in a cold room, under a library, at an old computer, reading Jane Eyre. Sound lovely? Oh, but it is! I don't mind. :)

I hope all my friends have a romantic Valentine's Day. Why? Because whether or not you have a "love," we all have the love of One who won't stop loving us--a God who always has been and always will be the lover of our souls. How much more romantic can you get? (Well...I guess it can get more romantic, but it will never get less.) God is just so good that He will add to/involve others in that love!

So, when love comes, it'll be so much better already knowing Jesus' love, already knowing that other love may fail, but God's never will. "Love is patient, love is kind, [...] love never fails."

To all the other hopelessly romantic friends I know (yes, I include myself), Happy Valentine's Day!

Michael Buble

The day before Valentine's Day. Here's my day:

I sit and listen to Michael Buble and his "Home" and "Try a Little Tenderness."

I have homework to do; I need to read Jane Eyre and poems by Robert Browning.

Slow dance? Just dream.

I do the salsa in front of the mirror, twirling around my room (don't laugh at me too hard).

A boy awkwardly asks me on a date. Um, no thanks. Not really friends.

Won a i ton.

Beautiful, beautiful day

Oh...l'amore! Beauty. Depth. Renewal. How I love nature, how I need to be outside and active in order to function normally. I had forgotten before my drive home through the sunny, radiant mountains just how much we need to take care of our hearts first before we can affect others' hearts.

I can just close my eyes and be transferred to another world, a world of pine trees blowing slightly in the wind, a cold river of mountain run-off gurgling beside a campfire, a sunset that really does make me tingle all over. It is a reminder that creation cries out to God, reaches up to the heavens, and that my soul, my spirit, does too.

I know that not everybody enjoys being outside or getting dirty, but I see God so clearly in nature. I do not worship the creation, but the Creator, whom I see in His creation. My heart dies without the fresh reality of wind, of air, of grass and sun. If I lived in another day and age, I think that I would have been a traveler on horseback over mountains and across deserts and through storms. I want adventure, to fight! I sound like Belle now, but I do. Praise God that the Christian story is a life of adventure and fighting, a fight that requires more than physical exertion, but a complete battle of one's entire being. We are in a bloody fight for our hearts. Take care of yours...take time for your heart and maybe ask God, "What do you want with my heart this day?" "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Proverbs 4.23). This doesn't mean to keep your heart from people, it means to guard it from the Enemy, who wants to steal, kill, and destroy it, to destroy you.

A tender touch

What woman, child, or man does not desire tender affection? I realized last night that tenderness is such a wonderful and descriptive word, such a definitive action. What is tenderness? I know that the Bible portrays one aspect of God as tender. I think of God the Father as tender. I think of good daddys as tender. I think of a husband as tender. (Maybe because I'm female I'm not thinking of women as tender, but I know that they can be too.)

So, what is tenderness?

Here's my brief and limited attempt to define it. Tenderness is gentle, quietly awe-struck love coming from a strong person. Think God with us. Think dad with child. Think husband with wife (or wife with husband). Think child with puppy. I don't mean strong in only the physical sense, but strong in an emotional and/or spiritual sense too. Tenderness exudes as a result of an unconditional love that one feels toward another, not because of what the other has done but simply because of who the other is.

I don't know that I have a real grasp of tenderness, but I guess that I know what it looks like when I see it. A person's eyes and/or touch makes it obvious.

Hope for a good future

Faith is the hope for things unseen, is it not?

Hope for AIDS victims.
Hope for prostitutes.
Hope for the poor.
Hope for this weak heart.
Hope for salvation from death.
Hope for healing in our bodies.
Hope for the deaf and blind.
Hope for the rich.
Hope for The Truth.
Hope for a day when there are no more tears or pains.
Hope for unconditional love.
Hope for the Living God to soften the hearts of Muslims, atheists, agnostics, Buddhists, etc.
Hope for the redemption and protection of moms, dads, siblings, friends, future spouses and children.

I have hope, do you? True hope resides in Christ alone, because He is the only one with the power to make hope a reality.
What do you hope for? Please, share.

The Rights of Woman...

Yes, it is true. Alas and sigh, a woman is a human being (note my sarcasm). Nowadays, I think it's safe to say, most people in America believe that women are humans, despite one's religious or non-religious affiliation. Can you believe it, though, that only 200 years ago and beyond, the very humanity of women was an issue (in the West)? I mean, can you believe that society believed and propagated that women did not have souls, were inferior to men in rational ability, and were created by God for the sole purpose of pleasing men, a purpose that, when unfilled, left an incomplete "woman." A woman's identity was wrapped up in relation to her father, her brothers, or her husband (for all of which she was a monetary figure). What's scary is that I find parts of myself (and so many women in our culture) believing the lie that a woman's identity is in her beauty and appeal to men. (Praise God that He is the foundation of the identity of every woman and every man.)

Mary Wollstonecraft's "A Vindication of the Rights of Woman" is an excellent argument for the humanity of women. This work is SO fascinating...she does not put women above men. Rather, she argues that man and woman both are rational creatures created equal in the sight of God. She does not say man and woman are the same, but are equal. She provides excellent insight into the reality of marriage: how a marriage based on pleasure will fade, but a marriage based on friendship is lasting. As La Rochefoucauld says, "Rare as true love is, true friendship is still rarer."

I don't posit that everything Wollstonecraft writes is correct. But I do think that she provides great insight into a society which oppressed females in a very covert way. Whether or not you are male or female, I think you should try reading a part of her work; I would start with the Introduction and Chapter 2.

Granted, Wollstonecraft is a Western thinker, raised in England. We as Westerners have our own ideas of the "place" of men and women. We as Christians have our own ideas. I always want to keep in mind, however, that the oppression of women (and other disenfranchised peoples) occurs prevalently throughout the world still today, some in extreme cases of oppression and even subject mutilation, but some in more "moderate" cases of subjugation to sexism and religion. (Another frustrating fact is that men are oppressed too, but often have no venue of expressing and/or fighting that oppression.)

The plea of the oppressed (male or female, black or white, Muslim or atheist) is the plea of the unheard. As a Christian, I want to hear the unheard, to see the invisible...for the glory of Christ and the furthering of His kingdom.

Just a quick additive...

Have you ever heard of the man St. Augustine? I have, but I've never known who he was or what he did or why we remember him. Why is he so important?

Interesting fact, he was born a native to Africa in 354 A.D. and taught as a rhetorical orator, educated under the Roman and Greek systems of rhetoric. He converted to the Christian faith in 386 and decided eventually to use his rhetorical skills to evaluate the purpose behind why Christians preach, which is to win converts. From the book I am reading about St. Augustine, the following sentence jumps out at me, coming from an early convert of the faith.

"One's life has persuasive force, he argues, so that action 'as a flowing speech' can win people to the faith."

Nowadays we often forget about St. Augustine's (and ultimately Christ's) call to live our faith, to persuade from our lives. I'm glad that this Augustine fellow just reminded me of that.

In my Dad's words:

"This world seems so silly when you have knowledge of the Lord."

I couldn't put it better, Dad.

It's true. What a big deal we make of so many trivial issues--even big issues are not the end of the world. Seek the Lord. Love Jesus. Live for Him. Everything else pales in comparison.

The precipice

Do you ever feel like you're almost at a point of change, at a turning point of something, but you don't know what or how or when? It's like standing at the edge of a cliff, daring yourself to jump and experience the thrill of falling (I don't mean jump to one's death, but I like the imagery). It's probably just this stage of life.

Man, I hate choking down words. I hate being humbled. I hate being torn. I hate not knowing.

Actually, I'm glad for the last three things. Really, when I actually think about it, I am glad. Despite the pain of being torn, humbled, and not knowing, comes the faith to listen to the small voice of the King of my life. If I were never torn, I would never need the help of my Savior and loved ones to mend me. If I knew my future, then I would never need to trust the Lord or walk by faith. If I were never humbled, I would keep being the bratty, selfish person that I don't want to be--God humbles that He might lift up.

I simply want to be a person of courage who speaks and lives the words breathed by God, no matter what anybody (myself included) thinks or says. I do not want to be afraid to act, to step into the promised land, because of the fear of loss, of rejection, or of pain. There is a cost to everything that means anything. I want to be able to pay any cost because Christ did, and He asks it of us too.

Treasure and ponder

"But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart" (Luke 2.19).

I have always wondered, what does Mary ponder here? What, in her woman's heart, does she treasure as a result of this occurrence in Luke with the birth of her child, for whom the angels give glory to God?

I am learning what it means to ponder, to treasure up, to consider some things in my heart, quietly. The time of pondering and treasuring requires a sort of solitude, a sabbatical, a reliance on the Lord perhaps like never before. I'm sure that Mary wanted to tell Joseph and her friend Elizabeth what it was that she pondered. And at the same time, she probably new that, for that time, she still needed to quietly ponder and treasure. She relies on God in a completely vulnerable way. She has to trust the Lord about her child, the flesh knit from her flesh, in a new way--her child is not hers, but the Lord's. How difficult for a new mother to accept fully; she instinctually desires to protect, and love, and provide for her child, but already she realizes that this Son of hers is actually God's. What an avenue of trust.

The depth of a woman's heart, of Mary's heart, is mysterious. Mary must have been experiencing two emotions. One, agony. Agony for a desire to fulfill in her own timing. Two, peace. Peace for a desire to submit to the Lord's timing.

Dr. MLK

"There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love."
~Martin Luther King, Jr. -From "Letter from Birmingham Jail," April 16, 1963

How true this statement is. As I was looking up information on Black History Month today, I stumbled across some infamous quotes given by Dr. King, and this is the quote that struck me the hardest.

Not only is it from deep love where we can find the deepest disappointment, but from which we can find the deepest satisfaction and joy too.

If one has experienced or is experiencing deep disappointment, does that mean it is a result of deep love? I have never considered such an idea. My gut instinct says it's true.

It also makes me think of the final words in King Lear by the man who realizes that not speaking one's heart results in death: "Speak what we feel, not what we aught to say."

Smile a little bit

Smiling is good for the soul. True smiling is rejuvenating, not the fake stuff, just like laughing is. And how do we get to the act of laughing...it starts with a smile! :)

Here's a short list of what makes me smile:

1. My dog Homer.
2. Cute little things. It could be anything...a baby, a child, a puppy, etc. Pretty much anything miniature I find adorable. And when it's adorable, I can't help but smile.
3. My dad's sparkly eyes when he is excited about something.
4. The prospect of some people being "elves."
5. When people sneeze and/or laugh.
6. Looking at somebody's face upside down.
7. Giving a good gift to somebody/helping somebody in a meaningful way.
8. Finally understanding a difficult-to-grasp concept.
9. Loving
10. When I see the true human in somebody. It's worth rejoicing over.
11. Watching Elf.
12. Knowing that Jesus is alive and my Savior.

Let's smile more. Some people are natural smilers, like Buddy from Elf ("Smiling's my favorite"), while for others, smiling happens when something really affects them. But we can all practice smiling more. Smile for others, smile for your friends, smile for strangers, smile for Jesus, smile for YOURSELF. :) Just make sure it's real.

So, what makes you smile?