The precipice
Do you ever feel like you're almost at a point of change, at a turning point of something, but you don't know what or how or when? It's like standing at the edge of a cliff, daring yourself to jump and experience the thrill of falling (I don't mean jump to one's death, but I like the imagery). It's probably just this stage of life.
Man, I hate choking down words. I hate being humbled. I hate being torn. I hate not knowing.
Actually, I'm glad for the last three things. Really, when I actually think about it, I am glad. Despite the pain of being torn, humbled, and not knowing, comes the faith to listen to the small voice of the King of my life. If I were never torn, I would never need the help of my Savior and loved ones to mend me. If I knew my future, then I would never need to trust the Lord or walk by faith. If I were never humbled, I would keep being the bratty, selfish person that I don't want to be--God humbles that He might lift up.
I simply want to be a person of courage who speaks and lives the words breathed by God, no matter what anybody (myself included) thinks or says. I do not want to be afraid to act, to step into the promised land, because of the fear of loss, of rejection, or of pain. There is a cost to everything that means anything. I want to be able to pay any cost because Christ did, and He asks it of us too.
posted by Ash at 8:22 PM
1 Comments:
torn, humbled and not knowing. I completely agree with you. If we knew everything, where would faith step in? We so desperately need to know that HE is in control, even if that means that again, we realize that we are not. At times there is nothing as refreshing as being humbled. Sometimes i think we actually believe that we're always right, and in thinking so, we keep on trying out arguements, just hoping that someday someone is going to prove us wrong. It's this weird dichotomy in life. Humbleness is almost like an odd type of pain. It hurts but it feels so good in the end.
i know what you mean about standing on the edge of something big. Not to make light of it, but this definitely happens when graduation from the only life we've ever known suddenly moves into our periphial. The best part of that breath-taking unsurety is knowing that when we do jump, the Lord is ready to take us there. Keep feeding it Ash. God has something much bigger than you imagine just around the corner. Don't be scared. It'll be awesome. Hey, when are you coming over for dinner? I miss you.
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