Every once in a while you meet somebody...

and something surprising happens.

Sometimes, it's weird, but you do something for somebody else, having not to think of yourself but to think of the other person. A friend of mine is facing such a situation. What does it mean to do the right thing for someone else's sake? It means love. It can go unnoticed. It can go sour. It can go honored and respected. It can create anger. It can build faith.

Earwax

So I have build-up. I may be getting an ear infection. It's funny (and yet not), but for the first time in my life, I realized how VERY much I value my hearing. Because, literally, I canNOT hear out of my left ear. It is annoying to the extreme. Today in McDonald's some guys were sitting at a table to my left and they seemed a little friendly at first, but I felt completely cut off from the world--I knew they were talking, but all I heard were little warbles of sound, which I heard through my right ear. Sigh.

A little test of patience. I wake up and I am furious that my ear is plugged. I can hardly hear anything to the left of me unless it is loud enough to hear out of my other ear. I keep having to say "what?" even MORE now (some may laugh at this...it seems I ask "what?" frequently. I tend to disagree, until now, that is. ;) ).

Oh, and we got some hot pics of Kassi, Julie, and I with those ear candles on fire, sticking out of our ears. I'll try to get pics of that up. It looked like we were trying to do some weird drugs.

All that to say, when you can't hear, you tend not only to feel cut off from other people, but you tend to cut yourself off from other people because you can't really interact. Through my very small, pitiful experience, I have more appreciation for deaf/hearing impaired people. I'm going to take better care of my ears from now on.

And yes, this is a semi-gross subject...probably especially to my dad, who can handle other gross things but for some reason, gags out over earwax. :)

A Gee family extravaganza

It was a glorious day--sunny, warm, and relaxing. I slept in, saw some sights, ate some food, and bought some bathroom decor, and...I did it all with my dear Gee friends--Ging and Jules, and their daddy-o! :) It was a glorious day.

First, the man. We met the man again today, at about 12:30pm at a little hole-in-the-woods joint named Dixie's. The man burned through a few mouths, but we survived with a few more stains on our clothes and tears in our eyes. And a few sweat-drenched napkins from the top of dear Mr. Gee's head. You should have seen it. Habanero's? That ain't nothing.

Second, Alchi Beach. I don't even know what to say. I'm a first-timer to Alchi beach, but I don't know why!!! It didn't even feel like Seattle anymore. Why didn't anybody tell me that this beach is actually a BEACH? I thought it was one of those "beaches" like along Lake Washington where you run out on a dock and jump in a freezing lake. This was NOT that. I thought we were in San Francisco. The joggers, the beach volleyball players (whew, that was HOT), and the cute pregnant ladies with their hubbies? Awesome. Oh, and did I mention--REAL sand?

Third, a little meandering around the beach part of West Seattle. Holy guacamole. This is the PLACE to live. Or the place to go on a great date! Wow. It was rockin.

Fourth and last, a short trip to Ikea, where I made yet another purchase (*sigh*) for my bathroom. I'm liking this. And it's bad. I could become addicted to decorating. When will I have my own house? :)

And that was my lovely day. I got a little sleepy toward the end--content and all. But then I stopped by the Christian bookstore to buy a Bible for my brother (who leaves in 1 week for Air Force basic training), and I started feeling surprisingly emotional (considering it was such a fun day). The tears wanted to come (they didn't), but it's a big deal when you have a younger brother leaving for the Air Force and you're buying him a Bible that you hope he reads someday, you're buying him a Bible that shares the only truth. And suddenly, you realize how much you love some people. It's staggering.

Possibilities are limitless

Wow, I am again at the same place in my life as I was 3 months ago. I have a home to live in, food to eat, best friends surrounding me, and, HARK, I am on another job search! It's all exciting and everything, but MAN, it takes a lot of work! :) I've had a couple of calls/replies back all ready, and it has only been a few days since posting my resume again, but the prospects are variable--some look good, others not so good.

But as my mama-dear commented, "You have no idea what the Lord may bring in your life this next year."

And I said, "Really? You think so?" (How naive of me because...of course...the Lord is good!)

She said, "Well, yeah! You never know the people, places, or things to come." (paraphrase)

Wow, my mom rocks. Sometimes, I forget about the simplicity of life.
The Lord is my provider. Period.

Oh, and it's going to be weird not to be in school. I mean, I will be back in school in a year or two (which is another interesting dilemma to be discussed in a further blog), but not to be at Northwest?--weird! I am SO thankful that I'm done, however, that it's not even funny. But the excitement of the first week of school, the beautiful campus in the fall, the guys playing frisbee on the green, the crazy dorm activities, and (my favorite) amazing professors from whom to suck out all their knowledge!? Wow. Yep. Gonna miss it. And some of the people too. I guess this is the part where I call the people I miss. Even if I just have to suck up my pride and do it. If I really miss them, then I'LL call them, not just sit around waiting to be called. Ahhh...life.

A call to salvation, heresy or truth? Or part-and-part?

I have seen a pattern developing in my own life that I am learning to regulate. There is no question of whether or not I am passionate about what I believe concerning Christ. But in my passion, I have begun to be very "black and white" about faith. I am trying to find a balance, a non-hypocritical balance.

Faith is not emotion-based (I say that as a precursor because, while faith does affect our emotions, it is not emotion-based). See, I am so tired of seeing and hearing about a faith-less Christianity, a Christianity that requires no sacrifice, no need to "count the cost" of what it means to follow Jesus. Even today in church the pastor gave an invitation to salvation (which is awesome and is my favorite time of the service), but his preface to knowing Jesus was this, "Believe in Jesus today so that tomorrow, if you die, you know you will go to heaven." (Did he describe it all, is my question to you.)

What is that? I mean, is that it? Is that what we've boiled Christianity down to? (Of course, I know that there is so much more, and the Spirit of God works to draw people to Him, I am just trying to make a point here.) I think we see so many people in the American church who "backslide" because we have made the message of salvation "nice." I don't want to follow something that's just "nice," I follow somebody who is vigorous, grueling, passionate, truth-based, costly, loving, and just. I mean, this is the God of the universe. And we boil it down to: "say you believe in Jesus so that you can go to heaven when you die." Wow. I mean, that statement is true, we will go to heaven only through faith in Christ Jesus, but, to me, Christianity is not about "going to heaven" anymore, because I know I'll be with Jesus one day, it's about loving my God and Savior, and doing His work.

I want to hear a salvation call that sounds like this: "As the Spirit is working on your heart even now, you have a choice before you that is a matter of life and death. Confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead. In these two things, in these two convictions and confessions, you are professing that Jesus is Lord. Jesus is Lord, not just generally, but Lord of your life, and you are bringing your life before Him, professing His Lordship over you. God is a loving God, and He is also just. He has chosen that only through loving belief in and obedience to Jesus may a man or woman be saved. Devote yourself--mind, body, heart, soul, and spirit--to Jesus, the Son of God, and know God's forgiveness, love, and eternal life."

Honestly, after writing and re-reading this, I think I sound judgmental. And honestly, I think most people in their own personal lives would agree with what I wrote above: that they too know that there is more to Christianity.

But I wonder. How much is it our responsibility to get the message right when we preach in front?

Doing the impossible

Have you ever tried to love somebody who hates you? Or seems to hate you? Or, have you ever tried to love somebody whom you seem to WANT to hate? Fill in what you will here--Christians. Muslims. Your annoyingly loud neighbors. That girl/guy down the street. A specific name of someone you know. The list could go on...

Man. You really have to push aside your natural "reactive" feelings of anger, judgment, etc and choose to love, don't you? You have to NOT rant and rave to others (Man, that sucks...I do that a lot). You have to ban those feelings of "I could strangle (fill in the blank)." Honestly, for me, rather than really loving, I just end up ignoring (as much as possible). Ignoring is easier. But is it right?

Now, of course, hate is a strong word for me to use here. Most people wouldn't say that they genuinely hate somebody. Because, hey, hate is a relative word, isn't it? Instead, we tend to say, "Wow, geez, (such and such) really gets on my nerves. Did you hear what he did to me last week?" Or "Man, this kid WHINES so much I can't take it anymore! I could just storm out of this room and leave the brat here to wallow in his own pity!" (sometimes my experience at work).

I've noticed, but it's funny how quick I am to cover my own butt. To excuse my own thinking. But if it's not love, then it's not Godly, right? "Hate" really isn't relative. Above all else, "Love the Lord your God" and "Love your neighbor as yourself." The definition of hate is seen in its antithesis (i.e. the definition of love). If I am not doing the antithesis of hate, then I am doing hate.

We can cover it up all we want to. Cover up the hate. But I know that the Lord is smart enough to see through it. And, if we're really not kidding ourselves, so are we. So is the rest of the world. It starts with those around us.

The best quote ever.

Salvation is NOT the following: when a 'bad' person becomes a 'good' person. Salvation is when a dead person becomes an alive person.

How I know that Christianity is true

As I was falling asleep last night, thanking the Lord for another day and praying that He might somehow use me, His vessel, tomorrow, a thought struck my mind--perhaps one of the most profound thoughts I have had in quite a while. And it was one of the strongest reasons why I could confidently tell somebody, since I believe without seeing (by faith), that Christianity is true. A lot of people think that religious people want to believe in a god/gods in order to make themselves feel better. They want to believe it's true, that God is real, so they say that it is and live believing so in order to bring comfort to themselves.

Well, I'm telling you that if this were the case, I would NEVER be a Christian. If I wanted to choose a religion just on the merit of wanting to believe in a "higher power" who will bring me comfort in my times of fear...it would not be Christianity. And do you want to know why it wouldn't be Christianity? Because if I was choosing a religion based simply on emotion, I would not choose Christianity for the reason that I would never DESIRE a religion (based strictly on feeling) which professed that some people will die and go to hell if they didn't know the One person who brings salvation. If I chose a religion based on my feelings, I would make up my own, a religion that said all people can go to heaven.

I didn't become a Christian because it made me feel better. I chose to become a Christian because I hold one thing higher above all other "virtues," if you will. Truth. And for that reason alone, because I choose to believe in the truth no matter how I feel, is why I became a Christian. I believe that Jesus IS the way, the TRUTH, and the life. And because "God [Himself] desires that none should perish but that all should come to repentance."

However, it does not just end there, with a "head knowledge" of the truth of Christianity. Instead, because God is good, is holy, is loving, being a Christian does "make me feel better" BECAUSE I have been saved by the One and only One who can save me from my sins, and who can save the world. Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God. And because He is God of true hope.

I don't believe in a god because it makes me feel better. I believe in God and in His Son, Jesus Christ, because He is true. He is real. He is.

Scientology, Christianity, Mormonism--the same thing?

At work on Wednesday, some of my coworkers and I had a discussion about scientology/christianity/mormonism during lunch hour. What kicked me in the stomach was that they held the same view toward Christians as they did for Scientologists and Mormons--that it was a bunch of crazy people who believed in something kinda crazy. I was saddened when one lady said, "You really think that we're the only ones out here in the universe? There's got to be aliens. We are just one speck of dust amidst these billions of other stars and planets out there. We're just a speck of dust." If only she understood her own words. We (singular) are but a speck of dust in the eyes of God, not in the eyes of the universe.

At first, because she was so defensive against what I said (or what the other lady who was a Christian said), I initially started to feel like she was attacking me. How stupid of me. And how selfish. She's not attacking me. Jesus told us that the world hates Him, and will hate us because of Him. Now, this lady doesn't hate me because I am a Christian. In fact, we get along really well. But she sure doesn't agree with me and is not afraid to let me know it. I love it though. Because it gives me a minute chance to actually live my faith in front of somebody who might be watching. And hopefully, one day to share that faith with her.

A little bit of my testimony

If you know the Lord, do you remember the day you "got saved?" Have you dwelt on that beautiful day/process recently?

Here is a little recap of the day (and process leading up to when) I got saved. I just want to share because we took communion this past Sunday, and taking communion always so deeply reminds me of just how gracious God is for saving such a grotesque sinner like me.

I had just turned 16 a few months earlier. So. There I was. A new junior in high school, the youngest in my class, an academic geek, a varsity soccer player, a girl with a few close friends and a loving family. What more could I ask for? There was little "wrong" with my life. Though I deeply wanted a boyfriend, I had moments of deep depression, and I was a mixture of the shyest, most opinion-driven girls you'd ever meet, not much was missing. My family wasn't needy. I didn't do drugs or sleep around. I had 2 best friends. And honestly, I didn't think much about anybody but myself. My old diary is filled with the latest gossip at school, the latest boy I had a crush on, the latest fight I had with my parents and the mean, nasty things I would rant on about my "horribly strict" mother and father. Though I detested my family at times, I held on to my parents and brothers deeper than I ever began to realize because I felt so lost at my core.

But I was a little girl on the inside, putting on a show of being tough. I feared many things, many deep things. And above all, I feared death. Not so much my own death, because I remember times of contemplating death, but the fear of losing people close to me. My grandma died when I was 8 or so, and that dent in my heart and my family still tries to haunt me to this day. Instead of recognizing that fear, however, I ignored the meaningful things inside of myself and just tried to get on with my days. One day, I'd be an emotional wreck. The next, the cutest boy in school would look at me. Such emotional extremes were horrible on me, and as a result I often acted rashly toward my family.

Then one day my cousin invited me to church (to check out this guy she had an eye for). So I went a few Sundays. And sure, I listened to the pastor and his messages. And I liked the people, for the most part. They were pretty friendly and I got some cookies at the end of the service. But honestly, I was afraid of the things I felt in my heart: afraid of the hope that had begun to stir, and yet afraid of that same hope because I couldn't "see," and how could I KNOW for sure that Christianity was right. A lot of times, I hated myself, and I hated my life. And I don't know if you have ever hated yourself, but it is a devastating place to be. It sucks your soul into oblivion, into a wasteland.

And one Sunday, a normal Sunday in November, I sat listening to Pastor Terry's message, and I bowed my head like everybody else for his closing prayer. My cousin sat to my right, and my youth pastor a few chairs down. My great aunt and uncle were at the service too. And that was about the extent of people I knew. But something surprising happened. I heard Pastor Terry's invitation to salvation and it was as though, in the words of Paul, scales fell from my eyes, or from my heart, and I began weeping. Yes, it was loud and no, it was not planned at all. I probably wouldn't have come if I knew I would make such a spectacle. :) And it would have been embarassing had it not been for the fact that I had just been born again, made a new creation, been forgiven my sins by a loving Savior. I looked up, hoping I wasn't too loud, but instead I looked into my cousins eyes and saw her tears for me, tears of joy at seeing the words of Christ taking root in somebody's heart. She took me in her arms and I remember whispering in her ear, "I can feel Him inside of me," as I trembled. My youth pastor was crying. My aunt and uncle were too. And later, my pastor. But still, I remember these things in my heart. I remember not knowing the Lord, and then knowing Him. I remember NOT knowing Jesus, and then knowing Him. Wow. The difference is as dramatic as seeing a corpse compared to a newborn baby.

Life would continue on, proving difficult at times, proving wonderfully filled with the Lord's joy at times. But through those times, the Lord proved Himself faithful.

Will you pause and remember with me the time when you first knew Jesus? Or ponder some of the special things He has shown you and spoken to your heart. He deserves the very least of our time and praise.

Update on life

No, I am not going to be going on any 5-month excursion for work. Though some may be disappointed (it's just weird b/c corporate still hasn't contacted me), I am really quite happy, in fact, joyful, where I am right now. Honestly, the prospect of leaving to teach somewhere else was awesome, and I totally said yes in my heart and mind. But that is not what is in store at this point. I am totally willing to go in the future. In fact, I am so thankful for the Lord's faithfulness in prayer.

The way things have worked out has answered different prayers in ways I never expected. I am just extremely blessed by the church I am attending now. I met with the Women's Pastor today, from Calvary Christian Assembly, and will be singing in the choir and (hopefully) helping mentor some of the middle/high school girls in the youth group. We'll see where things go for sure. But one way or another, I am bubbling with joy AND happiness at the idea of being involved and planted again in a church! And it is a church where the Lord's presence is evident and is moving. I met some people on the staff today too who seem genuine, kind, and passionate. My heart is so light and I am incredibly thankful to have peace. Of course, I don't forget the pains and the hurts of yesterday, but I don't question the Lord when He chooses to bless in often strange ways!

Children with autism

Did you know that 1 in 166 children born will be born somewhere on the autistic spectrum? Scary.

This entire week I have worked closely with one of our children at the center who is not autistic, but who has several other issues that he works through. IT IS INSANITY AT ITS BEST.

I do not want children for a LONG while, I have decided. It's quite scary. But it was interesting to hear what my co-workers said. They do not have the hope and love of Christ, and they were overwhelmed by the fear of having a child with a disorder/behavior problem. It IS scary, but I was thinking how I could share with them the hope of Christ. I didn't at that time, it wasn't right right then to go into details, but I think they were somewhat surprised by my non-fear. I mean, it's not like I gave the impression that I hoped to have a child with autism or with Down's Syndrome. But I tried to, in a non-cheesy way, talk about the love that the parents must have for their children. We all chatted about it and discussed the impact, but it was such an interesting perspective to be able to discuss and to emulate. How it is possible to live for somebody other than yourself. It's a start.

Also, Julie is cool.