What to do?

What do you do when you're having a bad day?

I eat more food.
I don't want to talk to people.
I don't want to look cute.
I get mad that I'm in a bad mood, which makes me madder. :)
I usually freak out and cry, or something very stereotypically female-like.

What do you do when you're having a good day?

I eat lots of food.
I want to talk to people.
I want to look cute.
I seldom get mad but laugh lots.
I pray and rejoice at the goodness of God.

Do you see anything wrong with this picture? I do.

A song I wrote

I need you like water,
I need you like breath,
I need you like the stars need the night.

Because you are my song
And you are my strength.
You feed me like the rain feeds, the rain feeds the trees.

I need you like water,
I need you like breath,
I need you like the sun needs the sky.

Jesus, living water,
Holy Spirit, as the wind,
I need you like a child needs a Father.

Because you are my song
And you are my strength.
You free me like a storm frees, a storm frees the seas.

It may not seem much to you, but it's the only song I wrote and to which I have music. It's special because it gives a glimpse into the depth of how completely I need Him. More than breath. And breath is important because without it I cannot live. More than water. And water is important because without it I cannot live. He is all. And He is all that can fill the void and pain in me, in us.

I went on a walk

The sun is shining brilliantly right now. From my room I am watching people play volleyball and read on blankets outside. I just went on a lovely walk by myself. And still, I am unsatisfied. Satisfied and yet not. I don't really know what I'm writing right now, but I know something is up because I would never be sitting in my room with nothing to do when it is this gorgeous outside. I don't always realize it, but I have been so blatantly aware of my weaknesses and sinfulness this day, so blatantly aware. It makes me want to give up. It makes me not want to see people. It's not depression; it's a complete awareness that I am hideously fallen. Hideously! Do you understand that? We are hideously sinful. It's times like this when I think to myself, "How can I possibly be saved when I am still so sinful?"

On my walk I was thinking and praying to the Lord, feeling so utterly inadequate, hypocritical, and quite stupid. And still, all I can think of now is, "My grace is sufficient" as it came out of the mouth of my Savior. I have to believe it. It is his grace, his blood, alone that covers the hideousness, the evil, in me. And in you.

My mindset is changing right now because I repent and have been forgiven and redeemed. Even for my sins today. Out of a complete humility and awareness of my own fallenness without the continuing redemption of Christ I say, Praise God.

Sojourner Truth

What does it mean to have rights? As Americans, we believe that all people have (God-given)rights, whether or not a person is male or female, young or old, black or white or Hispanic, Christian or Buddhist or atheist.

Most of the rest of the world does not practice this ideal (and America sure doesn't have it down either). Much of Islam strips women of their rights. Tribal wars that have lasted hundreds and thousands of years continue still today, people dying over lost causes. Babies who are born female are "relievingly" aborted in China, etc. when culture tells people that male is the desired gender. Thousands of people starve to death in Africa because governments are corrupt. Many women and children are trafficked throughout the world and in/to America.

Sojourner Truth sang a song once in an address to the First Annual Meeting of the American Equal Rights Association in 1881: "We are going home. There, children, in heaven we shall rest from all our labors; first do all we have to do here. There I am determined to go, not to stop short of that beautiful place, and I do not mean to stop till I get there, and meet you there, too."

I think Ms. Truth summed it up nicely, as she herself was a black woman who lived as a slave for 40 years and a free woman for 40 years. First, do all we have to do here.

A little something sweet

Aspire to have a heart that is not easily offended.

It will be a sweet relief to those around you.

The Book of Mormon

Micahn and his wife have 2 children, both boys. The oldest boy is probably 5 or 6 now, and I had a dream about them the other night, a very vivid dream. You see, this family serves the Lord and is anointed by God. Micahn came to Christ later in life after being a partyer, drug addict, and womanizer. He and his wife married before either became Christians. But God radically changed their lives, and they are now great leaders and evangelizers in my church at home. They have seen miracles in their lives and God spared their youngest son once when he should have been dead (he had quit breathing after one day he almost drowned to death in a puddle of water not more than 2 inches deep). God has proven his faithfulness to this family of amazing testimony. I say all this as background to my dream.

I dreamt that I was visiting my home church and they were there. Now, in real life, this family has always been on my heart to cover in prayer because I believe God has called me to pray for them throughout my life. In my dream, Micahn's oldest son (who again, is 5 or 6) began telling his dad about how he had found a book somewhere that was making him question his belief in Jesus Christ. He thought the book sounded really good and that it might be true, and not Christianity. The boy had the book with him and he gave it to his dad.

At this point, everything else disappeared except for Micahn and the book. All of a sudden we were outside in a forest where it felt like some type of a cult had met. Micahn began praying and interceding, rebuking Satan and the evil of this book. And all of a sudden the book appeared in my hands, and I could sense so strongly the evil and the deception radiating from the book. I began speaking in tongues and praying for God to destroy/loose the evil and bind it. I admit, it was frightening.

And then I woke up, praying and interceding, not only for Micahn's family, but for the power of this deception to be destroyed.

The book's origin I do not remember exactly, but I believe that it was the Book of Mormon. It may have been an Islamic book, but I think it was the Book of Mormon.

I write this because it was such a vivid dream, and I don't often have spiritual dreams like that. But I take the meaning and feeling quite literally. Christ and the message that He brings is not just the Truth. But it is a message that brings peace and not fear, good and not evil, freedom and not captivity. I am so broken for the many millions of people who worship gods of this world--gods that are not living, that do not have eyes to see, do not have ears to hear the cries of people. The living God IS real. He is longing to destroy evil and deliver those who are deceived and blind. And we, His children, are the vessels He is using to do that. The sense of desperation for people that I felt in my dream, I hope that only intensifies through my life as I realize that boys and girls, men and women, are dying without knowing the living Savior, Jesus Christ, and are giving their lives to deception and death, binded to lies and an empty pit. They do not need to be. A Savior died and rose again to deliver and set them free.

I'm telling you, in this dream, everything inside of me was screaming. And my spirit cried for freedom, for Jesus.

One simple letter

Have you ever received a letter from a friend or family member? I'm assuming that you have received one sometime during the course of your life. :)

So, how do you read it? Do you jump down to the bottom to see who it's from? Do you longingly pour over the words, digesting every scratch and tittle on the page? Do you start from the beginning and work your way all the way through to the end, going back to read and re-read a number of times, grinning a small smile goofily to yourself? Especially if the letter is from a loved one, do you thirstily suck all the moisture out of the words?

Or, do you read it one line at a time? Maybe just reading the first paragraph, waiting until the next day or the next to read the next paragraph. Maybe finishing the letter in a week or so. Do you read it like that? Probably not, I'm assuming.

I got a note from my boyfriend yesterday, and I read it in the way I first described (there you go, Julz). And I realized last night, in a sort of epiphany, that the letters in the Bible are to be read in the same way. I read Philippians out loud and began to realize that this letter, written by the forefather Paul, could have been written by any of my friends to me, or by any modern-day missionary to my church. It is that personal. His words are not the direct Words of Christ, they are the words of a fellow laborer in the faith who, like us, is led by the Words of Christ, encouraging and admonishing his friends. Wow. Paul was directed by the Holy Spirit and inspired. But he was also just like us, a human saved by grace, writing to his friends--needing their support and longing to support them.

I feel a bit more humbled right now, a bit more aware of the fact that Christianity is real and has been real since its earliest beginning. It makes me want to write a few letters, and re-read some of those that I have received.

Overwhelmed

Prison, call to him.
Who I am.
Go.

One thing. Transition sucks. Change sucks. Not all the time, but right now, it is looming pretty darkly.

A lot of emotion is pent up inside my chest right now. Most of it is love for one of my brothers, Nickle Pickle, who I just talked to. Other parts of it is a lack of joy. My joy has faded these past couple of weeks; I mean, my joy in the Lord. But thankfully our hearts are precious to Him. I have made a covenant I will not turn from, though it is always His blood that restores it when I break it.

I have also realized something anew. We are made to minister to others. Much of my lack of joy resides in the fact that I am not really ministering. I'm simply trying to finish school and figure out what to do next. Therein lies much, if not most, of the problem. The focus is on me. "I must decrease that He might increase" (the apostle John).

The chaos theory...

I have decided to develop my own hypothesized theory concerning the Internet, considering the fact that there are few/no rhetorical theories dealing with our wonderful World Wide Web.

The Internet is a place of chaos that will only indefinitely continue in chaos unless a mastermind who exists outside of the Internet world decides to recreate and thus impose laws/regulations. Right now, for a variety of Internet sites, nothing monitors those people who can participate (thus the appeal). However, that also means that pedifilers, rapists, murders, pornography addicts, etc. have free access to whomever/whatever they want (especially to those naive and stupid teenagers who think they are safe). Though educating the public to stay away from revealing one's home address/phone number is a good idea, the fact that there are few laws regulating a person's availability to access what he/she so desires still shows that a level of chaos exists--chaos in the sense of freedom to do whatever one pleases with no repurcussions (we need laws to limit the evil we would otherwise do). Thus, I posit that the theory of chaos applies to the Internet. Hence the reason I detest MySpace. Even as I write this, I think of the irony of the fact that I write it all in a blog which has no limits/regulations as to what I can write or post, no matter how derogatory I could make it. It is sad. But it does not change the fact that I believe this amazing World Wide Web can suck in its victims and create peoples who have minds only for html and smiley emoticons, pornography and illegal pirating. Life does not subsist in the Internet. We must open our webaddress-glazed eyes and look outside!

I do not write this in a derogatory manner to those people who are, what I friendly call, computer geeks. That's all fine and dandy. But even still, can we survive without computers? We did at one point. I highly doubt how we would do now.

The horror

Partial-birth abortion. I don't know any of the technicalities of this procedure, but the U.S. is the only country that still legally allows partial-birth abortion. Do you know what this is?

Partial-birth abortion happens when a baby who is able to be carried to term is murdered before being fully delivered. Essentially, as the woman is having the baby (i.e. the child is literally coming out of the uterus), doctors penetrate the child's brain before the head comes out and sucks his/her brain out. Murders the child. Research has shown that this act causes excruciating pain in the child. They may as well just let the baby come all the way out and beat him/her to death, or suck her brain out then. Same thing.

How horrific an act. I am saddened, sickened. This should not happen. I don't care for whatever reason...this has nothing to do with women's rights anymore. This has to do with humanity. The act of partial-birth abortion is more than just inhumane, it is heartless and bloodthirsty.

A little doggy fun.

Oh good! I did it! Okay, I just wanted to post a little something cute for those of you who either don't have dogs or who miss yours.

This is my dog Homer (yes, he is named after Homer Simpson). But his full name is Homer Aberle. Very special. I think he has a middle name too, but I don't remember it.

This picture was taken on Christmas Eve, if you can tell, and my grandma sent him the little Santa hat that he is wearing (my dad is holding him). I don't know if you noticed, but this little hat was extremely uncomfortable for my little dog, and it made him look absolutely hilarious. He couldn't walk with the hat on, and he acted extremely pathetic, pretending like he couldn't even hold his head up. Yes, Homer acts like such a CHILD sometimes! You gotta love him. I think my family laughed at him for about 10 minutes, no joke. We offended little Homer.

I agreed

How much did you agree to serve for?

In summary, that is the question our pastor asked that really challenged me today.

He meant in context of how much did I agree in a contract with the Lord concerning my life. Obviously, Christ is the one who paid with his life for my sins, but when I accepted him and gave him my life, I said I would serve him with everything no matter the cost to me, because my life is His. I agreed to everything. That is the only way to accept Christ: to agree to everything.

The truth of that statement helps me to continue coming back to him even when I stray, even when I sin and think that I cannot overcome. My contract, or covenant, says that even when I mess up, I agreed to serve him with everything. I have to come back. Thankfully, He freely extends his grace and love each time.

Each time we return, it's like the prodigal son coming home again. The Father waiting for us has been waiting since we left. It's not a matter of salvation so much as it's a matter of grace, of coming on our knees, with our head covered and beating our breast, only to find a Father who picks us up, who is the lifter of our heads.

Why do we fear?

Do you know? Why do we fear?

Honestly, I do not know the answer to "why do we fear?".

I do know that it all has to come down to the fall, because anything that is not good is not of the Lord. The only type of fear we should have is fear of the Lord, fear of the one who has power--power to accept or reject, power not only to kill our bodies but to throw out our souls too. Praise God that our Lord is a good and loving God. Imagine if He wasn't and that He still had such power.

Anyways, I'm getting off topic. Okay. So fear comes down to the fall. Well, then Adam and Eve must have been the first ones to fear. Eve must have feared first because she first ate the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. That is where fear started, with a knowledge of good and evil. So, now that we live thousands and thousands of years into the fall, and fear seems that much more complex, I still don't know why we fear. I guess it doesn't really matter WHY we fear. But it is essential, for freedom's sake, that we have a relationship with Christ to conquer fear with truth. Hmmm...so then fear stems from lies. But the truth destroys, decimates, eradicates lies. In order to defeat fear, then, we must know the truth, take up the Word of Truth, read and breathe it into our minds and our hearts.

Maybe that is the answer to my question. We fear because we believe lies.