Overwhelmed
Prison, call to him.
Who I am.
Go.
One thing. Transition sucks. Change sucks. Not all the time, but right now, it is looming pretty darkly.
A lot of emotion is pent up inside my chest right now. Most of it is love for one of my brothers, Nickle Pickle, who I just talked to. Other parts of it is a lack of joy. My joy has faded these past couple of weeks; I mean, my joy in the Lord. But thankfully our hearts are precious to Him. I have made a covenant I will not turn from, though it is always His blood that restores it when I break it.
I have also realized something anew. We are made to minister to others. Much of my lack of joy resides in the fact that I am not really ministering. I'm simply trying to finish school and figure out what to do next. Therein lies much, if not most, of the problem. The focus is on me. "I must decrease that He might increase" (the apostle John).
posted by Ash at 11:54 PM
2 Comments:
luckily most things in life are only for a season. i felt i was a failure when i quit worship team and college group and women's ministry at church. i just go on the sunday's that i can make it now. how lame. NO! my older wise sister reminded me that there are seasons of our lives where we are giving so much of ourselves (school, homework, floors, random commitments, relationships, jobs) that we are unable to be involved in direct ministry. thank goodness! and the coolest part about those seasons where we desperately want to minister but have not the time or energy for specific involvement is that we are preparing for the next season that we will be able to focus on minstering.
explanation/example: i go to work, do homework, go to school, sleep, sometimes do other little things. i have no group that i give to, that i mentor, or that i serve in (powwow doesnt quite count, but i need it!). however, i am in a season of being a student and, therefore, my current calling and focus is on my studies. so i do not need to dwell on not being on a ministry team or feeding the homeless daily because i am training right now for a life time of giving, serving, and mentoring as a counselor. my focus and dedication right now (though i may seem anti-social) are vital to my success in future ministry for the Lord.
i hope that all of these words make sense. what i am wanting to happen is for you to see that this too shall pass, but that you should nevertheless live in the moments that you have and allow the present to grow and change you even if it is not exactly where you would like it to be. my philosophical ramblings are complete. know that i am praying...right now.
ps- it is past 11:15...you are not in bed. neither am i. i love you.
sometimes the best things in life is simply to know that you're not alone. Just because you feel this way now, thanksfully, joyfully, this is not permanent. You know, at times like this I love Lamentations, just because it so much talks about how we feel. I specifically love where it talks about feeling like wormwood. But the part that always gets me is where the writer suddenly turns and states that the Lord's mercies are new every single morning, and that He'll never let go of us. It's impossible for Him to not have us in his sight.
there definitely comes a time, (oh, i remember it so well as I'm still moving around there) that you just need to be used. I think sometimes it's God's way of slowly transitioning us from a previous mentality. I think college can train us to think individualistically sometimes, and then we suddenly realize that we must live in community, and then we get kicked out of equilibrium. As a wise person said, this too shall pass.
keep your head up, take time for you and just you, go have a date with the Lord and just truly take a deep breath of real life. We're right here with you and thankfully, there's someone much better at all of this too!
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