I went on a walk

The sun is shining brilliantly right now. From my room I am watching people play volleyball and read on blankets outside. I just went on a lovely walk by myself. And still, I am unsatisfied. Satisfied and yet not. I don't really know what I'm writing right now, but I know something is up because I would never be sitting in my room with nothing to do when it is this gorgeous outside. I don't always realize it, but I have been so blatantly aware of my weaknesses and sinfulness this day, so blatantly aware. It makes me want to give up. It makes me not want to see people. It's not depression; it's a complete awareness that I am hideously fallen. Hideously! Do you understand that? We are hideously sinful. It's times like this when I think to myself, "How can I possibly be saved when I am still so sinful?"

On my walk I was thinking and praying to the Lord, feeling so utterly inadequate, hypocritical, and quite stupid. And still, all I can think of now is, "My grace is sufficient" as it came out of the mouth of my Savior. I have to believe it. It is his grace, his blood, alone that covers the hideousness, the evil, in me. And in you.

My mindset is changing right now because I repent and have been forgiven and redeemed. Even for my sins today. Out of a complete humility and awareness of my own fallenness without the continuing redemption of Christ I say, Praise God.