One child who sees

I work at Lindamood-Bell, a company that teaches people who have reading disabilities how to read and to comprehend. If you don't think that literacy is intricately tied to and directly related to a person's ability to survive in this world, take a look, across the world, at the uneducated, particularly, at the illiterate, and you will see that literacy is essential to education. And education is essential to standing up for yourself (why do you think the South tried to and did ban the slaves from reading or learning how to read? or why do you think oppressors (if they're smart) always ban literacy from the peoples they are trying to oppress?).

The company I work for stands at the top of its field, literally, in success rates for improving people's ability to read and to comprehend. Comprehension is always the goal.

But I am not writing to commend the company. I am writing to tell you about a student I have who is highly autistic. We work with people with autism, Asperger's, brain damage, or reading disabilities (such as ADD, ADHD, or simply they are behind in school, etc). Now, this isn't a clinic that works with "mentally retarded" people, it works with those of us who have a hard time reading, or remembering details, or taking exams. Sound like you, or anybody you know? We work with "normal" people, and people with disabilities.

One of the students I have has severe autism. And today, as they seemed to look blankly in my eyes after I asked this person a question, I saw a glimpse of who this person is. They are sweet, giggling at most everything. My heart does two things. It breaks for the life that I know this person won't enjoy as a "normal" person. And it recognizes something of the joy of innocence, which we "normal" people have lost. And it raises questions in me about God, about if this is a person who can know the Lord Jesus (which I believe can happen, of course). I just haven't really considered how mentally handicapped people, or people with dymentia, come to Christ. I want to see miracles. I believe in miracles. And I believe that God loves this person as He loves me. But I know the Lord, and this person doesn't. Maybe that will change sometime during the course of this person's life. I pray so.

(And yes, I am using the plural form "they" to refer to a single individual. But I want to keep this person's identity secret, so I am breaking the English grammatical "rules." Man, we really need to get a neuter singular other than 'it'.)

An unfathomable grace, what does it mean?

There's nothing we can do to make God love us more.

And there's nothing we can do to make God love us less.

I am coming to realize these words of Philip Yancey in a way I have never before. I compromise myself, sin, and am often fully hypocritical. And while I am quick to confess (often because my guilt is too much to bear, not because I recognize my disobedience to God), I am often unable to forgive myself. Such is the plea of many of us.

But if we can't make God love us less...aren't we loved by God as much as the "worst" sinners are loved by God? If Christ did not die for the worst of us, if his grace is unable to cover the worst of sinners, how can it ever cover me and you? I am the worst of sinners. Though I quote Paul here, I admit it of myself as well.

"We love God only as much as we love our worst enemies." And sometimes, it seems, that "worst enemy" is ourself.

Not a lot to talk about

Is it possible to help somebody who does not think she can be helped?

I don't think so.

It's possible to love that person, to care for, and to be patient with her. But until the fact that "staying the same is more painful than changing" becomes her mindset, very little can be done.

Often, we say that well, yeah, "I want to be healed, of course," but when it comes down to reality, it is easier to play the role of victim than to stand up for our own actions and to take responsibility. Because when we are no longer the "sweet, innocent victim," that means we are then responsible. And when we are healed and/or being healed, it means we no longer have a cop-out reason for not walking in that healing freedom. In a sick, twisted way, it is easier to be a victim, to revel in our victimization. Now, I'm not saying that those of us who are victims (b/c really, who hasn't been a victim at some point in his/her life?) should forget about it or deny the pain, but there has to come a point in our lives where we claim freedom from that victimization. It is damn hard (forgive my language, but I think it is justified here).

But...it's so much fun reveling in my own misery and victimization. I feel so alive.

After all, it's not my fault, and the world is out to get me.

(Y'all get my sarcasm here? Life can suck sometimes, or a lot of times, to say the least. But a lot of the reason it seems "sucky" is our own attitude. Our attitude toward the world, but even more so, our attitude toward ourselves. Think about that.)

Jesus Christ died to heal the broken and bring freedom. For a purpose. Freedom and healing for a purpose. So that we would no longer be both victims and guilty. But that we might be free and innocent. We also have to claim and believe it.

New levels?

Have you ever seen somebody in a different light before? You know, like, you know somebody, but you see them one day in a different way? For example, you talk to an acquaintance or person you know whom you don't particularly like for whatever reason, and during a conversation or as a result of the Lord opening your eyes, you see deeper into the person they were created. You realize that this person of whom you just had a brief glimpse, is a taste of the person that God sees--the person He sees when He looks at him/her, when He looks at you.

Usually an overwhelming warming of the heart occurs as the love of God fills you supernaturally for that person--that friend or that enemy. Perhaps for the first time, or the first time in a while, you remember that Christ calls us to see people, to judge righteous judgment. And that, if people only saw our own superficiality and faults, if God had only seen those things, we would be lonely and lost, and eventually, dead.

Often, it's in the eyes. Though not always. But whatever it is, at its root, I think it is a glimpse into the humanity of that person, a glimpse into the being of somebody. I saw it today. And I was overwhelmed, overpowered, by the presence of God's Spirit living in me beckoning, pleading, causing me to respond with love. I couldn't help it.

I believe it is the Spirit that allows us to see into people this way. To cut to the heart, literally. And to love that heart. I would never be able to love people in an unconditional way on my own. My love is selfish. God's love is not just unselfish, it is unconditional, tender, and tough. And since He lives in me, He can fill and lead me to walk in and experience His love for others, and to make it part of my love. It is my love. It is God's love. Because without Him I am not. He has made the "me" that I am.