Suddenly

Yes, it's true. I don't want to go home to Kirkland now. I like my apartment (though I wish it was more permanent so I could decorate and put up Christmas stuff), I love my job, the people in Brush are kind and welcoming, and living in my own room and my own space is blessed. There's one person I want to see from there right now. And my family. That's all.

Today was a hard day at work. In fact, after receiving an email, it was a bad 48 hours in general. I'm such a poop-head sometimes (and yes, I know...that was very mature of me). I don't care...I'm not perfect! I get tired too. I get grumpy too. I say stupid stuff too. There's no excuse for any of it though.

Right now, I feel like erupting into a million pieces, flying away to another place, and not coming back. I'm glad I came home to an empty, dark apartment tonight. And at the same time, I want to curl up with others (even if it was just a dog), cry a little bit, and just REST in the presence of a person. I haven't rested in ANYbody's presence since I've been here. If you have that option, don't take it for granted. Last night as I was going to sleep, I lay in bed and just prayed that the Lord would help me feel His presence that simply cares about little ol' me. That's all I want right now. To rest. You know...how you feel when you're a little girl all curled up in your daddy or mommy's lap. That kind of rest. Where you're cherished, protected, and loved.

I guess it's tendency to put on a courageous pretense of not needing others.

Yes, I am stubborn. And no, I don't want to see you.

(I hope you get the bitter irony...)