5 Months?

Three weeks to prepare? Is it possible, to up and leave in half a month? It's so soon, so startling, with so much to do, but possible. Will it all pan out? I am trusting the Lord, but it's funny. It's so soon that I feel like nobody recognizes the implications, not even myself. Of course, I don't know if I'll get the position, but I find out soon.

Where can the Lord ask us to go that we would say no? Is there anywhere He might ask you to go that you would dare say no? I dare not say no, though I might ask "why?" But in the end, whether or not my question is answered, I will go. He is Lord, after all.

Broken inside, and having to rely on the God who is the lover of my soul, the Husband of his bride, of which I am a part. I can find rest in His arms only. I can seek solace from His voice, His love only. Whew. It is hard.

It's seems so much nicer to have it--comfort, hugs, whispers, love--from another. But then where would my reliance upon the Lord be? It wouldn't be. I have and will continue to learn this small lesson, yet a lesson so very close to a heart of a Christian. The Lord must be the one to fulfill this place in me, in His people, or else, when the loss of life comes--death, violence, destruction--our strength will wither in madness and slowly choke away all that we thought was our strength, until we found out that none other than the Lord God Almighty can be the living water in that seeming desolate wasteland that is me. In His people.

I hope that it works out, that 5 months away will make me open my eyes to reality, that I need to know the Lord and truly rely on Him, before I return. And can a person change that much in 5 months' time? The Lord can do miracles.

Even if it doesn't work out, I want my attitude to still be such.