Aaahhh!!!

Yeah, that's how I feel tonight inside. Just 100 times louder and longer.

I am thankful that even in difficult times our Lord is strong, ever faithful, ever present, ever loving. Everthing that I am not. I just want to run away, to start my life. I'm tired of school, of the rain, of Seattle, of my own ridiculous inability to make decisions and stick with them, of my lack of love, of my vanity and selfishness. I'm so tired. You ever get that way? I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's me, if it's a spiritual attack, if it's just how life is sometimes. But I've never felt it so keenly. I want to go away, just me. And then I ask myself, where will I go? Why? What is my purpose?

It's just one of those weeks I guess. :) God is good, and I know I am here for a reason. You know what it is? I am having the hardest time with myself. I am so unreliable, unloving, of a stony heart. God is the only one who is good. I hate the fact that my actions can affect people for the negative. I know that such is life. But when I try so hard to live for the Lord, and to still hurt people? Ugh. God is good. GOD is good. He is the only One who is.