I can't seem to do it.

I can't seem to do it sometimes. That is, forgive myself.

Personally, when I mess up, I want to have to pay for my sins. Feel guilty, punish myself by not indulging in something I enjoy, etc.

But I was reading last night and need to share:

"Therefore, when Christ came in to the world, he said:
"Sacrifice and offering you did not desire, but a body you prepared for me; with burnt offerings and sin offerings you were not pleased.
Then I said, 'Here I am--it is written about me in the scroll--I have come to do your will, O God.'"

First he said 'Sacrifices and offerings, burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not desire, nor were you pleased with them' (although the law required them to be made). Then he said, 'Here I am, I have come to do your will.'
He sets aside the first to establish the second. And by that will, we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all. [...] because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy."
(Hebrews 10.5-10,14)

That says it all. The beauty of it is that Jesus didn't just atone for sins. He REMOVED them. My sins are not just covered, as they were temporarily under the old covenant, but they are GONE. As though they didn't exist. And in the eyes of God, they DON'T exist BECAUSE of the blood of Jesus Christ that I profess and in which I believe.

"[...] let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." (Hebrews 10.22-23)